leaving on a jet plane

So I have decided I need a change and that change will take place in the town of Changhua, Taiwan. That's right I am officially on the payroll as a teacher of English, a language which I have barely mastered myself. I leave on Monday at 3:00 a.m. to catch a flight in Las Vegas and fly for who knows how long to get to Taipei sometime around the next day, who can even figure out all of these time differences. I am almost sure that I will get chosen for an invasive strip search while at the airport, they say they are random, but come on. I hope that I don't offend too many Asians, but most assuredly I will. I also hope that I don't get arrested during my stay because I won't have anyone to call, I have yelled wolf one too many times if you know what I mean. Nobody will even believe me, plus who is going to fly to Taiwan to bail me out?